| faked's profileA hole for my head.PhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
A hole for my head.stay or go away, i dont care. (wouldnt let me use "profanity" otherwise i woulda said to f**k off) 06 August first degree destruction.fuck i hate msn live space. just wanted to say that. it was fuckng fine how it was before. mnyeah.
fuck it. i have cats now.
as the background.
im not so sure i have anything of real substance to say here.
i just really felt like getting some stuff out.
and you know how it is these days. no one cares to even pretend to listen on msn anymore.
so instead, ima type it up here, and then have the feelng that ive spoken to someone.
coz the odds are someone is going to read this.
and it is most likely going to end with them going...
"what a total waste of time"
then they will get up off their arse, and enter the real world, and...
FIND A LIFE/
FUCK FUCK FUCckKCKCKCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
im over so much
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
for fucks sake.
you are all doing my head in.
i hate how you are now.
but moreso....
i hate how i am.
not that ive ever really liked myself,.
just right now. things were ok for a bit.
but now......
its just turned to utter shit.\
there is no point to anything!
therefore i am finding point in the most pointless things
such as typing this
and they way that ive taken up typing things....
may as well fucking be on msn.\
ive been doing pretty good.
im never on the puter anymore
(well rarely)
especially compared to what i used to e like.
just read through the archives.
well no not read... just see the change in entrys in this blog.
and also tv. thts also gone by the wayside.
o course tis all due to the amount of work im doing,\\
which aint so bad.
i actually really njoy myself there.
plus the money is so great to have.
but mmmm.
money doesnt make you happy.
it may make you enter a deceptful reality that you are happpy.
but deep down you're not,.
you know what i find bullshit?
the concept of being happy.
with the little reading i have done into the human mind i have discovered that to be happy you have to believe that you are
happiness is only a state of mind.
it is not a mood.
u cant be happy unless you say you are.
but what about us fucked up people, who dont like being happy. but at the same time, hate being miserable to all fuckery?
what about that.
how do you produce a state of mind, when you dont even believe in it.??
i am just existing. ill take whatever the fuck gets thrwn my general direction
i may take it the right way.
i may not.
but who really cares.
not anyone whos meant to.
people say they are losing their mind as if its a bad thing....
think about it. what does the mind do to actually assist your being?
it just fucks around alot.
it fucks you around alot.
thats alllllll it does.
all it ever has done.
all it ever will do.
why cant humans just like in harmony?
you want to know why?
because the quest for knowledge is so fucking compeditive, that even if you couldnt give a fat rats arse about any of it, you get dragged into the whole situation.
why does anything matter?
what is matter?
why does matter matter?
does it even matter anyways?
and why, when you repeat a word long enough it sounds ridiculous?
matter....
anywho.
why do we have such an urge to discover?
to be the besT?
its not gunna matter when youre dead.
you can fuck my in my garve if it does.
people dont understand....
its not what you do with your life...
its how much you enjoy it.
if youre stuck in a dead end job, and youre sick of it....
get the FUCK out of it.
you see, that way, you have the luxury of that....
where as the thing making me unhappy with where i am, is my mind.
last time i checked you cant get the fuck outta there.
so i will remain a prisoner of my own mind forever.
what can i say.
im sick of it,
yet i would not trade my emotions to be something im not.
im not into a false reality.
but then again, for all i know this could be false. 22 July games!Games Provided By FreeCodeSource.com
Games Provided By FreeCodeSource.com
Games Provided By FreeCodeSource.com
Games Provided By FreeCodeSource.com
Games Provided By FreeCodeSource.com
Games Provided By FreeCodeSource.com 09 July your faultyup.
hellooooooooooooo.
ok, im going to sleep now.
not really, but i feel like it.
as in i may as well be snoring away right now.
on the computer.
whilst typing this.
probly not gunna work in this universe..
not very successfully anyways.
mmm... im in the strangest state of mind at this present moment.
well since yesterday..
maybe the day before actually.
thats all i have to say on that topic.
those who have something to do with the strageness of my mood
(one person)
know who you are.
well you dont actually
coz if you did you wouldnt be continuing with your bullshit
mnyeah.
i guess that was an extension to that previous topic.
whoops.
see, im so tired, i am saying untrue things.
YOUR FAULT.
04 July hello in there.well hi. has been several months since my last entry in here.
not alots happened.
i could go into detail
but in this present monent i
just dont feel like it.
instead,
for now ima leave you a few Laugh out loud moments from bash.org.
<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
<mcm310>: what is it? <evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof <evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level <evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched <evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands <evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head <evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows <evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere. <evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE. <mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore <aryov> This cake is soooo good
<aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it <O.J.> Radio interview quote from Marine Corps General Reinwald and a female radio host. He wants to host some boy scouts at the training center for some practise excercises. As follows
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? <GENERAL REINWALD>: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. <FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? <GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. <FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? <GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. <FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. <GENERAL REINWALD>: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines! <XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand
Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man Tim: batman Sidd: batman Mjordan2nd: I'd be god <samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<samsim> and got mauled <samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage <samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent <samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in <Fooz> In a perfect world... spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.
mdiym42: note to self mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them 01 April Through with being cool.tell me what is my life without your love? tell me who am i, without you by my side?
falling through the cracks of the stage, ever so cunningly set up for the elite.
Activities Week 2006: Bakers Delight
One week, 56 students, 10ish teachers/adults, 5ish boats.
didnt do alot. went on the double biscuit a few times, went in the boat most of the other time whilst dad was there.
main people i hung round: zoe, marto, brad, spud, tom, nat, mel..... then there was fisher, bekki, and few other randoms.
overall: had an awesome time. the best thing about it, there wasnt alot of times we were told "do this", it was up to us. we got exactly what we, ourselves, wanted.
its sad that its my last activities week. they really are great fun. ive only just realised this year how much it makes you spread you social group out. i hung round a couple of people i had a pretty strong opinion agaisnt. but now.... its all good. i strongly suggest to people, to go for it, have fun while you're there.
if you stop making the eyes at me, ill stop making the eyes at you. what it is that surprises me is i dont really want you to.
mmm. im getting broadband sooooon. thats a bloody good thing.
hm. ive been thinking so much lately. if only i could put it down on paper... ive had some pretty good stuff, but its as if it just wants to stay in my head, so im not forcing it out.
i just have one thing to say, dont glorify anything you want. when you get it youll only ever eventually be dissapointed. something ive "gotten" recently has turned out to be very strange. i cant explain it. i can, but im not going into that much detail on here. so im not even gunna try.
thats all. 24 March excuse me.this entry is purely to explain i will no longer be updating this blog as often. not that i can call what ive updated it in the past "often"
this is why:
1. i dont feel like it.
2. i dont want to write as personal stuff. id rather write that in a book, where it cant be as easily accessed, or deleted.
3. people are fuck heads, the people i used to update it for, either dont care, or moreso dont matter anymore. if i have an issue bad enough, i will bring it directly to them, if not, then i cant be fucked, its not that important, or i just dont care for your friendship anymore.
4. sudden change in myself. no further explanation. you dont deserve it. (with the exception of one person, who it doesnt really apply for)
5. mmmm, thats all i think. all i want to say anyways.
i may change my mind. i may update stuff i want on here. thats my own perogative. so fuck off. 22 February meh. i get bored.In today’s society individualism is long gone. In a fashion world changing ever so frequently, where it seems anything is acceptable, the days of the rebel are dead. The main stream fashion world is taking inspiration from rebellious groups formerly thought of as "anti-social", punk, goth, and yes even hippy, in a world so set out for achievers you can't help but label things. Label people. It is just so much easier to call someone emo, a prep, a Barbie doll, a skank, a try hard. Labels are never positive. Labels are used to distinguish and justify social standing; they are used by people afraid to ever be thought of as the label they are throwing around. The real irony is that the main of the people who do the labeling are the self confessed "haters" of labelers. Forget about social status. What is it really going to matter 10 years from now anyway?
i will write agan a bit later. 16 February emo, you suckemo is the new gay, the thing is i like gay people. emo people just suck arse.
Did you hear about the emo pizza? It cuts itself. If you know someone that looks emo but doesn't mope or cry they're not emo. It's called a poser. emo is mainstream now. anyone who says emo has been killed by fuckheads.... they are wrong, emo always has sucked and is all a bunch of fuckheads. it is an insult now to be called emo.... then why the fuck do people still pose as emo fucks? i knew what emo was back when good charlotte first released their shit. and simple plan and hoobastank? i always have hated their shit. just like a perfect circle. and the used, and my chemical romance. they all suck so baaaaad. i hate emo. you know you do too, so dont become an emo fuckhead, for starters, delete your myspace profile.... i mean come on... it is emo fuckin central. stop being emo before you fucking ruin it for the real thing.
you are emo if you have any of the following symptoms: >your eyes/face cant be seen through your hair >you frequently dye your hair black >you think its cool to have hot pink chunks in your hair. or green. or any colour for that matter, >eyeliner appeals to you, no matter what sex you are >you think you have no friends, dont get me wrong, you probly dont. >you live in chuck taylors. black, chucks. >you wear leather cuffs. wristbands, finger bands, all at the same time. >you skateboard. >you cut yourself for pity. which you never get >you know someone who is exactly the same as you every way mentally, that is of the opposing sex, and you most likely met them on the internet. >you write poety about your woes. >you play the bass gtar.(bassists are always emo.) >more to be added when i get the fuck around to it.
till next time my bitches. 04 February boredom is plotting its dominationmovie quotes:
The Pest.
[After he pees his pants from fright]
Pest: I'm sorry. I couldn't make it to the newspaper.
Pest: Excuse me, but--ahh. Why do I gotta look like something out of "Jungle Book" and you guys all get the nice Banana Republic stuff? Pest: "The United States of... Germany." Wow, somebody's a sore loser.
Himmel: Don't flatter me.
Drop dead fred: Fred: Well why don't we harpoon Charles straight through the head, drag him back to the apartment, and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back?
Fred: It takes more than a fire truck to stop Drop Dead Fred.
Fred: I can't believe we left the party so soon. And there was so much wine to spit around the place.
Fred: You see when something's not working right, the best thing to do is tear it apart to make it better.
Young Elizabeth: Daddy, why don't we throw mommy out the window? It won't hurt her. She'll land in the gladiolas.
[after just seeing Elizabeth's mother]
[after just meeting Elizabeth for the first time in years]
Fred: I don't love you because love is for girls and girls are disgusting Fred: I am a loner, a crazy wide eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the 3 headed mega beast but on the way I caught cornflakes disease.
Almost Famous Russell Hammond: I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to
Penny Lane: I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just got to the record store and visit your friends.
Russell Hammond: And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!
Anita Miller: FECK YOU!
Lester Bangs: So, you're the one who's been sending me those articles from your school newspaper.
Estrella Starr: [about Penny Lane] She Changed everything. She was the one that said "No more sex. No more exploiting our bodies and hearts." Just blow-jobs, and that's it!
Girl Interrupted
Susanna: [narrating] Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted.
Daisy: You're just jealous, Lisa... because I got better... because I was released... because I have a chance... at a life.
Daisy: Which do you like better? Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching?
Lisa: We are very rare and we are mostly men.
Susanna: No one cares if you die, Lisa, because you're dead already. Your heart is cold. That's why you keep coming back here. You're not free. You need this place to feel alive. It's pathetic.
Susanna: [narrating] When you don't want to feel... death can seem like a dream. But, seeing death - really seeing it... makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous
Valerie: You know, I can take a lot of crazy shit from a lot of crazy people - but you... you are *not* crazy.
Lisa: You think your free? I'm free! You don't know what freedom is! I'm free. I can breathe. And you... will choke on your average fuckin' mediocre life!
Susanna: Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the '70s most of them were out living lives. Some I've seen, some never again, but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them.
Susanna: Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is stupid, and ignorant. But I'd rather be in it. Id' rather be fucking in it, than down here with you.
Lisa: "Razors pain you, Rivers are damp... / Acids stains you, Drugs cause cramp. / Guns aren't lawful, Nooses give... / Gas smells awful, Ya might as well live."
Instructor: Now what kind of a tree can you be, Janet, down there on the floor?
Lisa: If talking did shit, we'd be out of here by now.
Susanna: What the fuck are you doing Lisa?
Susanna: Everyone here is fucking crazy!
Lisa: So, have you had your first Melvin yet?
Georgina: Lisa? Is Daisy really getting out?
Lisa: You know, there's too many buttons in the world. There's too many buttons and they're just- There's way too many just begging to be pressed,they're just begging to be pressed,you know? They're just - they're just begging to be pressed, and it makes me wonder, it really makes me fucking wonder, why doesn't anyone ever press mine? Why am I so neglected? Why doesn't anyone reach in and rip out the truth and tell me that I'm a fucking whore, or that my parents wish I were dead? hit me like you mean it.sitting down the mall yesterday, listening to a group of buskers (one of them used to go to my school a few years back) and this random old lady walks past.... then turns around and goes.... "shhhh...... shhhhh... quiet.... there are people trying to sleep..." in the mall...... how strange is that. after she she shhh, i was waiting for the "there are people trying to sleep" and then she actually said it.... looks like the oldies dont appreciate a bit of music...
hmmmm, id like to clarify, my two last posts have been very to do with the moment, and most of what i said was me trying to convince myself that it was all cool. so if anyone reads them who i know, and thinks its about them, its not, its all irrelevant now.
i get so annoyed that i am not able to write all my thoughts down, coz when i get thinking i get some really good stuff.... you''l just have to take my word for it.
im way to weak. im not going into anymore detail, other than, i will let you walk all over me if you want.especially when there's emotion involved of some kind. moreso the love kind. i care way too much about other peoples feelings to give a shit about what im doing to myself. but hey thats all cool. coz i know it always works out reasonably well in the end. and if it doesnt then its not the end yet obviously, just have to wait around a little longer.
ive decided that i am backing up every entry i make on this space, or well every entry that has some real content on my omputer, coz it would shit me off so much if msn one day is like, mmmm, fuck you all, we dont want spaces. but im way too lazy to do that.... mmmm maybe another day. i also really do with that msn would fix the picture upload thingy, i have decided that pic is very way out of date. *yawn,*..............
anywho im off, time to update my quotes, and shit like that. maybe change the layout of my page again? meh. till next time people.
love peace and chicken grease. 02 February "Insert Pissed Off Heading Here"you know what. FUCK YOU.  talk about me all you want, nothing could make me care less about you anymore. funny that."Insert Witty Heading Here"NOT that i care or anything, but you all piss me off so much. all but one, and yeah you know who you are and most of all you pissing me off know who that is also. the one person i cannot be with right this moment. fucking hell i really need to fix this fucking keyboard, keys are sticking. i just want you all to know, i dont need you anymore, once i did, once i was nothing without you, but now, you all just shit me to tears and i am glad that i have rid myself of your fuckingness. so thats all i have to say right now. i need to clean this goddam keyboard now. not that YOU care or anything. you dont care about anything anymore. 29 January right now.i am proud to say that i am in no way religious at all. i considder myself athiest, even tho i cant pronounce it half the time. i just really dont see a point at all in worshipping a god. i mean its interesting reading about religion and learning about it, but i dont like the idea that someone else has more control oer my life than i do. i guess its to do with my whole thing of seeking independance. i hate being dictated. i hate being told what i can and cant do. if i want to do it, i am gunna fucking do it.there is no one who can tell me otherwise. i hate being treated like a kid, like i dont know anything, like i dont understand, or being told off like a little kid. pisses me off like nothing else. my life is not interesting enough, i need to emancipate myself away from home, and from this society, and from this shit hole town. i dont know what to do anymore. people i trust have no reason to trust me, apart from one exception, and yeah, if they do trust me, then half the time they dont care. and when they do care they piss me off. argh i am so incredibly tired. sleep is not enough in this life. well i am going to go and fulfil my 200 free smss a bit. til next time. bianca.......
Four jobs I've had: Four movies I can watch over and over: Four places I've lived: Four TV shows I love: Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows that I've never watched a single minute of Four places I've vacationed: Four of my favorite dishes: Four sites I visit daily: Four places I would rather be right now: 24 January bored bored bored bored.ok, i am bored. like beyond bored, and missing people like mad. so im gunna make a survey up and answer it to occupy myself.
name: bianca jade chilcott birthdate: 11 - 1 -1990 age: 16 and like 12 days old. eyes: greeeeen hair: atm brownish black on top, with bleeched blonde on bottom. height: 175cms weight: ill never tell pets: black cat steven, dog mindy, and newest addition ferret (un named, most likely will be called typo) works: at dads servo very casual part time.
FAVOURITES
colour: black, green, orange, purple, mmm. that. animal: tiger movies: girl interrupted, almost famous, drop dead fred, moulin rouge, tv show: simpsons, little britain, cky, jackass, futurama, family guy, food: lasagne, thai, sushi take away: noodle box, thai, chinese, hungry jacks, subway, pizza hut shop: reliquaire holiday destination: that ive been to? queensland, or no melbourne also. possession: music. oh and my phone(sony ericsson w800i). author: louis sachar, spike milligan books: the long hard road outta hell - marilyn mansons autobiography, holes, anything by spike milligan, scar tissue - anthony kiedis of red hot chili peppers autobiography, the kurt cobain journals,blue day book series, great lies to tell small kids... that kinda thing. piece of clothing: whatever im wearing 24/7. atm, that would be either pairs of my green trousers, my jeans, or any of my black tops.
HATES
pop music, emo, bad people, skanks, blonde bimbos, try hards, commerciallism, conformism, camo, smoking, drugs, alcohol, goals, setting goals, being told what to do, being told what you cant do, people who cant/dont think for themselves, expectations, pressure, talking on the phone(with the exceptional few), animal cruelty, litter, rumours, pollution, consumerism, and being a consumer, the state of this world, the reality of things, bitey insects, sunburn, being lied to, being made a fool of, hating too much, caring too much, bad poetry, bad acting, bad movies, change, pictures of celebrities "oh no they are eating!""oh no they are walking a dog!", body image, anger, regret, the pink that every single kind of female i hate seems to wear, seafood, most meat, 4321 detox shit(yucky).... etc.
OTHER STUFF
turn ons: shoulders, shoulder blades, backs, necks(previous 4 both male and female), pain, vampirism, high heels(stillettos, platforms), leather, stockings, fishnet, corsets, bondage, punk/gothic style, www.suicidegirls.com, piercings, tattoos, female legs, dreadlocks, deep voice(male), dominance, being dominated, confidence. turn offs: excessive body hair,lack of confidence, males being way shorter than me, total lack of any trace of good looks(thats me being shallow), no sense of humour, no taste in music(trust me, it does matter), overly cockyness, smoking, being inder the uffluence of drugs, alcohol is fine, but mmm. idols: freddy mercury, david bowie, marilyn manson, famous people i think are hot: angelina jolie, jude law, catherine zeta jones, ewan mcgregor, scarlotte johanesson.
thats all for tonight, am tired, and bored. till next time. 22 January its only anorexia when u cant control it.i have not been so out of my zone for so long. but today it was different. i wasnt as uncomfortable. i mean that it was actually kinda comfortable, but shit no, i would not like to have my social life like that. maybe close to that, but not with those kinda of people. only my kinda people. but thats not gunna happen. i think i am beginning to fall into my place in life, well for now anyways. just for now. 03 January complicated.i dont really want to say much right now. im just hoping that i will want to soon. i need to redirect myself, and everyone around me. everything is just making me so depressed right now. there is abosolutely nothing that really excites me, or makes my state of mind change from this low of just feeling like total shit, without wanting to do anything about it. my high light over the next few months is the fact i am getting a ferret. whoop-di-doo-fucking-dah. i really dont know how i am going to deal with anything if anything else falls through on me like everything else so far has seemed to. i dont particularily want to go into listing every single thing, i really dont feel like being specific. i just want things to be how they were a few months ago. i wasnt sad, i was reasonably happy, i wasnt thinking anything bad, i was sleeping right, i wasnt having mild panic attacks, i wasnt getting paranoid to the point of exhaustion, i had people to talk to about things, but most of all i had to make up shit when i wanted attention/whatever. now i am just so stupidly sick of everything, and everyone. im sick of people lying, i am sick of people saying thing they dont mean, i am sick of people getting my hopes up, i am sick of the majority of the human population, i am sick of the commercialism of people hating commercialism, i am sick of people fighting, i am sick of everyone around me being so content in their own lives, i am so sick of change, i am so sick of the thoughts i have been thinking, i am so sick of trying, i am so sick of the expectations of me, i am so sick of money, i am so sick of food, i am so sick of the outdoors, i am so sick of not knowing,i am so sick of love, i am so sick of emotion, i am so sick of holidays, i am so sick of school, i am so sick of christmas, birthdays,new years and other pointless excuses to celebrate, i am so sick of back stabbers, i am so sick of mis-interpretation, i am so sick of assumption, i am so sick of understanding, sick of not understanding, sick of words, sick of boredom, sick of pain, sick of mediocore stuff, sick of explanation, sick of it all.
i dont know what to say. i dont know how to say any of it, and i cant say it anyways.
i wish i could just tell everyone what, why, when, how. and oh how i wish that those very special few returned the same. i wish i didnt care so much for others personal space, i wish i could be more daring, in the sense that i may venture past the point of caring what others are comfotable with, i know they are most likely fine with it, but that doesnt stop me from stopping myself.
i am just so un entusiastically depressed. no not depressed, thats what attentions seeking little fuck heads say, i am just so morbidly sad. i cant describe it, the people i need right now, i dont want to talk to. the people who i want to need me, just dont care, and the people who care so much, i just cant talk to. im over talking to strangers about any of it.
there you go. from me starting by saying i didnt want to say much i think i did pretty well to force this much out of myself tonight. hopefully someone who matters will stumble across this. but if not, then i guess its just another entry to my space of the shit in my head that needs an excape. 09 December nothing new.as the title of this entry suggests, nothing new has happened lately. my dance concert is tomorrow night.... joy. *rolls eyes* i have my brothers video camera, and am dying for soemthing worthwhile to film. hrm, there really isnt alot to say... like, at, all. mmm falls line up finalised, jbt and xavier rudd arent playing? whats that about, im not a massivly huge fan of theirs, just hmmm..and yeah they are releasing 9000 tixs for the 29th, so ppl can come a day earlier and watch the cinema fest and stuff, im hoping we can get some of them. ok there really isnt anythign else to say, so i will go. 28 November falls.fuck yes!
falls tickets....so happy now, heres a list of the bands i am really really looking forward to off the line up so far
The Dandy Warhols,
the last 3 or 4 i just put on the list for the hell of it...
now lets just hope the rest of it goes well, and that i actually recieve the tickets, and theat they let us in, and that my little posse we are organising can catch up n stuff..
anywho.
28 - 11 - 05 14 November this may be important to your lifehumans are a strange strange race. we all like to think we are the most important thing, and the most in control of everything. but when you think about it, like really think about it, no one person makes all that much difference. like unless you are way up in the government, or if you are a super celebrity, or if you are in like the secret service, or even in some other service that no one knows about except that secret service, which really, no one knows a whole lot about that even. there is so much going on in this world that only several people know about. there are so many cover ups all throughout history, and also many leaks of these cover ups. our little police forces dont mean shit in the whole view of things, they are simply positions that us under dogs have created to make some feel more important. the hieghrachys pretend to care about all the little justice systems, they might think its cute that the little systems think they have power, but really they do not give a damn about any of it. just as long as they are conforming to their ways then its ok.
its peculiar, how at any one moment in time, one specific thing can be so important to you, that you feel if it was to no longer be a part of your life that you wouldnt be able to live on. then at any random point in time after that, that one thing couldnt mean less to you, to the point that you have totally forgotten about it.
i am sick and tired of expectations, and people taking things for granted. there are so many people wasting their life away in a way that isnt a completely bad way, so they do not get noticed, and they are going to live a life of mediocore knowledge, mediocore experiences, and so on and so forth. i get so annoyed when i see people wasting away perfectly good opportunities to small things that in the long run mean nothing at all, like popularity, and all that crap.i mean, yeah for the moment it can suck that you arent that well known, and you arent that well respected, but think of it this way.... later on in life you will meet those same people who towered over you with looks, and popularity and all that, on their way to the middle. if you dont take every opportunity that arrrises your interest, and i mean truely gets your interest up, then you will regret it. and hey also the opportunities that you think "hey this may be the only time i get a chance to do somehtinglike this" dont do it. unless it really does interest you. dont live to others expectations, they are not the ones who have to deal with the consequences of it all, and yeah they may make you feel like a dick for not taking that opportunity, but just remember the fact that it is not something that interests you.
there is so much that you are never going to know about in this world. most of it is purely because you just wont, but then there is also alot that will be missed out on by pure ignorance, and other behaviour of the likes. the fact that you fake a sickie may ultimately save your life a week later due to chain reactions. the fact that something as small and inconvenient as missing the bus. 17 October 4sometimes it feels like i am living about 4 different lives.
1. the life of school, the life of me round my friends, the me of happiness, no, more.. the happiness of me.
2. the life of home, the life of me alone. when i am alone i tend to just want to be alone. i need space to be away from people. some more so than others.
3. the life of me at work, the life of me with my dad. my time when i strive to please, when i strive to regain lost time.
4. the life of dreams, the life in my head. where i would do anything for things to be how they used to be, the world that would make me so happy if it came back. the world of lost friends, the world of lost opportunities.
im not saying i am not happy with where i am, and my friends now, coz i am, but... if i could still have the relationships with people that i did... mmm.... there is one person that always comes to mind, we used to be best friends, and you were so fucking wicked, but i know you are never really gunna hear that from me, ever, ever again. not only because we dont ever talk, but also because you have changed. i know i have also. but you and me were just so... right...? i dont think i will ever have that connection with another guy, ever, we werent even going out, (well we did go out, but that was our downfall) but we were just good mates. i remember we used to say that we'd be in touch forever. if i recall, once we joked about being 80 and well yeah.
if by the very, extremely,impossibly low chance you are reading this, i want you to know that i cry when i think about you. and no offence to my friends now, but i would, deep down, give all you up for this one person. its so weird, you getthinking how there are so many awesome people that you are never, ever going to meet in this world.
i just think that things would be so much easier if i could just tell everyone how i feel, in form of a suicide note. i know, if i ever do end my life, it is gunna be a well planned out event, with at least a month to think it over as i finalise all the notes i want to leave. but i know i am never going to do it. no matter how much i want to, need to get my message across. i have nothing more to say tonight. 27 September suicidegirlsFuck i cant wait til im 18... i dont give a fuck about legal age for drinking like any other "normal" person my age... that can go get fucked. i justc ant wait till i am free to get tattoos and piercings... and i want to become a suicidegirl... www.suicidegirls.com ... hmm thats all for now. till next time/... 14 September just dont know..i just dont know right now. i am quite content on my own, doing nothing. but there is this continual nagging felling that i want more from my life right now, that i am letting myself down. but what is more obvious in my mind, the thought of doing anything with my friends, i just really dont want anything to do with them this present point in time. in my mind problems continue to arrise and appear to be ubiquitous. (dont know what it means - www.dictionary.com) i wish i coould just escape everything that is right now, to some place far away, with no notice given to anyone, with no contact details for them. just me gone.
random facts n stuff
- triskaidekaphobia - fear of the number 13.
- One in three snake bite victims is drunk. One in five is tatooed.
- In addition to those of Rasputin, Napoleon, and John Dillinger, over 20 famous penises are believed to have been stolen by morgue workers and sold on the black market
- Within the first year after purchase, a CD will be listened to approximately 165.4 times.
- If all the diamonds stored by major diamond companies were released, a perfect two-carat diamond would be worth about three dollars
- The orbit of the earth has deviated over 16,000 miles in the past 60 years due to nuclear detonations
- All the weapons-grade nuclear material on earth, if processed to its purest form, would weigh less than a schoolbus. If detonated, the explosion would be equivalent to 600 gigatons of TNT, roughly the weight of ninety billion schoolbuses
- Thirty people die each year while donating blood.
- Every St. Patrick's Day, Americans consume 160,000 gallons of alcohol, of which 45,000 are later regurgitated. - Evolutionary biologists estimate that within the next 10,000 years, humans will no longer possess canine teeth
- experts estimate that 58 percent of the traffic on the internet is made up of illegally shared files
- 53.8 percent of people say they are afraid of things having to do with the number 13. Coincidentally, this is approximately equal to 7 out of 13 people
- Twenty percent of "Page-a-day" calendars are currently on the wrong day.
- 12 percent of Wall Street brokers named losing a button as their biggest workday hassle. - Ukranians have a word for the feeling you get when you can't figure out how to exit a room. -
Axioms
An axiom is a statement universally accepted as true, like an established principal or law of science.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Happiness is just a better perspective on life.
- Just because I don't know where I'm going doesn't mean I don't know how to get there.
- Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
- What we call reality is only a point of view
- its a small world, but i wouldnt want to paint it
- People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them.
12 September F*** IT ALLARGH. FOR FUCKS SAKE. fuck the fucking hell off with whatever the FUCK it is. in one of those fucking moods, where you cant stop using the word FUCK. and you cant stop fidgeting.FUCKING HELL. i am fuckng sick of people masking the truth intwhat they are saying, yeah i may be reading into it wrong, but you could just fucking say it right so i am not fucking able to see into it this fucking way,
Fuck off and go die. those are very strong words to be meant literally, especially for this personin particular. i hate you so much right now. but this will most likely go by un noticed as every fucking thing does with you. you couldnt care less unless i fucking put it right infornt of your fucking face but still then you need the lights turned up even more to really see it. you are a fucking shit friend, and i am better off without you. even if youa re reading this chances are you wouldnt have nthe faintest idea that it is you. so just fuck all of you that read this, i hate everything about you all, and i hope that you all die horribly painful deaths, with the last thing on your mind, being me.
fuck everything that is.
fuck everyone who reads this.
but most of all, fuck me. - fuck me for being such a total FUCK-head. 09 September talk to the internetThe internet says:
Dammit, I was sleeping until you came in just there. Puny human says:
what is the meaning of life? The internet says: cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt . 29 August long time no see.so. i havent written anything in ages. and that is not a sign that thngs have been good, it is a sign that things have been so shitty that i havent wanted to write about them. and i am stilll not gunna write about them, because these things are things that i dont want everyone to know. instead i am going to just drivel on about random shit that has absolutely no relevance to anything whatsoever.
i have confirmed my hate for ignorant inconsidderate people once again. go die you people. or at least dont come near me.
i am in love with several people. one i know i cant have, but i will continue the quest for them anyways, but i think i may have a chance with them, so thats cool. the other main person, i dont really want anything relationshipwise to happen, i am not sure about anything else happening,mmmm i have a feeling things might have a chance to get closer, so hopefully things might work out there. oh yea, one other person i can see some fun happening between us, the opportunity just needs to arrise.
wow, i have been touch typing all of this so far, i am surprising myself... hrmm, another thing that i have surprised myself with is juggling, i can juggle!!! yayness. and i am getting better with the unicycle, and diablo and devil sticks... meh.
meh, i think i have exhausted myself of random shit. oh apart from how pissed i am about rage the other night, guest programed by billy corgan, and i thought i had it recording, but nooo.... i fucked it up. gRRRRRRRRR, but yes, gtg,
BoNk xoxox |
|
|||
Send a private message
Subscribe to RSS feed
Tell a friend
Add to My MSN
Add to your network
Sign up for alerts|
|
